you have one good thing come into your life and you think you’ve finally caught a break.

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i’m sick of waking up and getting stoned just to seem remotely happy to convince people that i’m fine.

i’m sick of eating when i constantly don’t have an appetite and throwing everything up.

i’m sick of being ten times more self-conscious than i usually am.

i’m sick of not being good enough and not being able to do anything to change it.

i’m sick of trying to convince myself that you haven’t just been lying to me about your relationship with her.

i’m sick of the way this intense jealousy is making me feel.

i’m sick of not knowing what’s going to happen next.

i need a flatter stomach
i need a bigger gap between my thighs
i need more prominent hip bones
i need a nicer smile
i need nicer eyes
i need a smaller nose
i need hair that looks effortlessly perfect
i need a nicer voice
i need a face that looks fine without makeup
i need to stop slouching
i need to stop biting my nails
i need to be able to go outside without worrying about someone asking me why i have so many scars on my arms and legs
i need to stop wanting to fix my flaws because i’ll always be fucking disgusted by my reflection enough as it is. 

haven’t been sober 5 out of 7 days this week. ntb, ntb.

:~)